Dear Scared, 

Growing up can be scary because the unknown can be scary, especially when there seems to be a lot at stake. You have mentioned three important things: friends, responsibilities, and mistakes. Let’s take them one at a time.

First, friends. Friends, unlike family, are the loved ones we choose to make a part of our lives. They bring joy, support, and encouragement. They also give us a chance to be selfless because of our desire to give to them the same care and concern we ask of them. When you talk about your boyfriend, it seems like you have been thoughtful about how you choose your friends. You note that he is patient, listens to you and has taken the time to know you well. You also say that he keeps you comfortable. If by that you mean that your spirit is at peace when you are with him and that he encourages you to keep striving when you are doing the hard things that help you grow, then that is also a good trait. When you have a friend who makes your dreams their dreams for you, then you have found a priceless person. Distance and different schools do not break that type of bond. If friends are as intentional in keeping that bond as they were in making it, it doesn’t go away even when they see each other less frequently. I’ve known people to remain close to their childhood friends long into adulthood. 

Even if your relationship changes with your current friends once you are in high school, know two things. One, your connection to them remains because they helped shape you into the person you are now. Two, that change is not a loss, but an expansion. In the shift you have the opportunity to expand your circle of friends. If you remain thoughtful about who you choose to let into your circle, keeping to the points outlined above, that expanded circle is a great thing.  

Second, responsibilities. I encourage you to embrace them rather than fear them. They make us who we are. Our responsibilities allow us to grow into responsible people, which is another way of saying it ensures that we reliably respond to our needs and to the needs of others. Knowing that you can handle responsibilities gives you the confidence to take on increasingly important tasks, and it allows you to grow the impact of your actions. People are better and groups are better when people embrace their responsibilities. Your being responsible makes you and the people around you better. 

Third, mistakes. Based on the way you phrased your question, I’m pretty sure that you already know what I’m going to say: mistakes are a part of life. I can understand wanting to avoid them. After all, why lose ground, when you can gain it? 

You’re right, there are at least two mistakes that are obvious ones to avoid: one, substance use. The time, health, and loved ones lost because of addiction to substances is well documented. There is no need for you to make that mistake. Two, doing poorly in school. The school record that you start on day one of high school is what characterizes you to your future opportunities at the end of high school. Have your record show that you are hard working and purposeful, not that you are lazy and rudderless. 

Some mistakes are unavoidable. They happen because you are doing something new and ambitious and they are outside of the bounds of what your preparation has told you, or the mistakes happen because you are forging a new path that has run beyond the sound advice that you have access to. Make those mistakes because those are the ones on your growth path. Those mistakes are not the end stop. They are the moments to pause and reflect on how to keep moving on an upward path. 

High school will be what you make it. You have the chance to make it full of adventure, opportunities and an expanded circle of friends. I hope you make the most of all the good things that high school and the life beyond it have to offer. 

~Asalah