My teacher hates me, and now I hate going to math class. I’m a sophomore, and I take Integrated Math. Math has always come easy to me. I get A’s without really trying. This class was the first time I had to think a little bit and I liked it. Still when we had the last 30 minutes of class to finish the worksheet, I would finish early and then laugh and joke with my friends. He – my teacher, I probably shouldn’t say his name – would always say something to me about how disruptive I was, and he would threaten to call my mom. Finally he just put me in a seat in the back of the class by myself, away from everybody else. As I sat there class after class, I saw how other kids were talking and laughing louder than I had been, but he didn’t say nothing to them, or move their seat or threaten to call their parents.
So I figured it was me. When he let me go back to my seat, I decided I would just do my work and not laugh and talk with my friends. Like I said I like math and sometimes I would have questions about the work. When I would raise my hand to ask a question, he would look at me like he was bothered and basically just tell me to figure it out. He would be totally different with other students. He would take his time to explain stuff and look happy to work with them. When they did something good, he would go on and on about it, giving them plenty of praise. When I solved a problem or did something right, not a word. So I stopped caring and I stopped listening in class. My grades started to slip from a high A to like an A-, which in my school lowers your GPA.
For some reason I can’t remember – because by that point I was tuning him out – he finally made good on his threat to contact my mom. My mom asked what was going on in the class. I told her. She told me “Whether he likes you or not, you can’t let that stop you. You have to keep your emotions out of it and keep pushing in his class.”
Easier said than done. I can’t even stand to walk into his room. How do you learn from someone who hates you?
Frustrated in Boston, MA
Asalah’s Response:
I can see why you’re frustrated. You see no evidence that your teacher recognizes your talent and is invested in your success. It’s difficult to work well in environments where you feel people don’t care about you.
I like the self-reflection you initially did. You used the time that you were in the back of the class to observe the situation, consider your own actions, and take responsibility for them. You showed respect for your teacher’s classroom by acknowledging that you did not want to be perceived as disruptive in their classroom. You resolved to sit quietly when you finished your work and to make your engagement clearer by asking questions. Unfortunately, those changes in action did not seem to be recognized by your teacher.
Another step you could take to ensure that misunderstandings are not clouding the situation is to go talk to your teacher during tutorial. Sometimes actions are misperceived or unseen unless explicitly called out. A conversation can bring clarity. You can say something like: “I like math and I want to do well in this class. When I finished my work I liked to joke around with my friends. I’ve stopped doing that. I want to learn, and I want other students to be able to learn. Is there anything else I can do to make things go well in this class?”
That statement gives your teacher the opportunity to recognize your willingness to learn and your desire to change behavior that is perceived as disruptive. Hopefully, it leads to more positive interactions between you and your teacher. Hopefully, it also leads to your teacher giving you more challenging work. Clearly you are a capable student, and it would be good for you to have work that keeps you engaged for the entire class period.
If the dynamic doesn’t change or if you don’t feel comfortable having that conversation, then you have to stay focused on your ultimate goal. You are a smart student, and you want your grades to reflect that. You don’t want your grades to reflect your emotions. Liking or not liking your teacher; your teacher liking or not liking you cannot dictate your future. Your capabilities and your work ethic should. If he’s not giving you the opportunity to grow, find it elsewhere: another teacher in the building, an online learning resource like Khan Academy, other students who are serious about their work.
Ultimately, whether or not you are frustrated is up to you: while you cannot always control situations, you can always control your reaction to them.