I’m in 6th grade, and I keep getting into fights. It’s always with the same girl, but it’s not my fault. She’s my friend most times, except when she’s not. The first fight we had was in 4th grade. We were getting in a circle to hear a story. That girl said something to me, and the next thing I knew, we were pushing each other. She tore my hijab off. We kept fighting until the teacher separated us. When we went to the principal, he told us we had to sit next to each other and figure it out. On the bus ride home we did, and that worked for a while, but in 5th grade less and now not so much. We live in the same neighborhood so we’ll hang out and it’ll be fine, but then sometimes she’ll say something off to me, and I don’t let her get away with it. People think because I’m small, they can push me around, but I will stand my ground.
Standing My Ground in Decatur, GA
Asalah’s Response:
I understand that you want to stand up for yourself, and I can appreciate why. We often see examples of people who are targeted because they are thought to be weak. Given that, not being weak – i.e. standing your ground – seems to make sense.
There are different ways to “stand” though. One famous quote says, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” An idea that seems related to that quote and to your situation is “If you don’t know specifically what you are standing for, you can be fooled into falling for anything.”
What ground specifically are you taking a stand on when you get into fights? Is it ground you have chosen or is it ground someone has fooled you into claiming? Are you really showing strength when someone manipulates you into fighting, i.e. when someone makes you think that fighting is your best option?
Consider doing this: first, choose your friends wisely. It is said that you know whether you have encountered (met) a devil or an angel by how you feel after they have left your presence. If this girl inspires in you the desire to fight, then she is a negative force on your spirit, and she is not your friend. Do not spend time with her. That may feel easier said than done if you live in a small neighborhood and have common friends, but be intentional about minimizing your time with her. It is better to spend time alone, feeding your spirit in positive ways, than it is to spend time with someone who brings out your worst tendencies. Separating yourself from negative situations also gives you space to find people who are more aligned to positive actions.
Second, decide what ground you actually want to stand on. Who is your best self? What plans and dreams do you have for your future? Talk to your parents, older family members, your teachers or your school counselor about what you need to do to accomplish those goals. If there are no trusted adults that you have easy access to, look for role models doing what you want to do. Learn as much as you can about how they achieved the things they have in life. Expand your view beyond the people right in front of you, and chart a path that leads to that future. Set stretch goals for yourself, and step-by-step get those goals. Find people along the way who align with and support you in reaching those goals. Choose to spend your time with them. In all these ways, take a stand on different ground. Stand your ground for your best future self.